the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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