WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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