ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
