singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
