i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize