went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize