two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
