he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You did what with his pubic hair?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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