if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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