thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize