I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
