In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
