i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize