i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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