He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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