I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
