I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
