Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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