i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dignity is for republicans.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
