i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
