If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
