Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
