That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
