Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
