his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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