Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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