I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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