he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
