just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
