is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
