Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
