Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize