Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize