What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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