i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
