The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
