Screwed.edu
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
