Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
