he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
