So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
