It's like a parade of train wrecks.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
