I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
