I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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