It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
