so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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