and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
