I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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