So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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