omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
