Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
