Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
