I think i peed on brittanys purse
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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