chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
