Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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