i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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