Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
