I am puke
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In other news, I just burned my penis
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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