just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
