I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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