she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
