He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
