So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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