sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize