so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
