Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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