Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
