I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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