At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
