I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
