Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize