I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
