I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i think i have herpe
just one?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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