It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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