Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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