it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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