I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
