My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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