You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
