she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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