whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
