Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
