Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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