I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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