I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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