So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
