Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
