My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
