I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
