he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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