dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize