So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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