wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
