We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize