Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
