you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
