I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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